The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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