tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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