I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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