Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
