You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
So drunk its hurt
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
