Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
