i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
