At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
