U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
