If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
