Having a random hookup so left but love u
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
