So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
