I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
