OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
