So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
