3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
and she was petting her beer can
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
