She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
