Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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