the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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