just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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