1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
