woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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