I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
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He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
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just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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