last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
