Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
