I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
