this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Randomize
