i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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