i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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