Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
