This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
