Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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