Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
