i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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