He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
