My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
