All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
