Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize