I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
