I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
