Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
