Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
