Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
