Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Randomize