his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
3pm strippers are depressing
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Randomize
