Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
