Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
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It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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