mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
