so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm too high and old for this...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
