i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Randomize
