I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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