just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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