That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
