she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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