the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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