My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
