tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
