this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
