I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
