Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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